THE PARABLE OF THE NAUGHTY CREEK
Who says that we, In the mighty U.S.of A., are ossified?
Who says we can’t get anything done? Who says change is impossible.
There once was (and still is) a naughty creek that did overflow its banks more than 25 times in the last 25 years causing great consternation among the townsmen (who become locked in or locked out of their homes). The flooding prevented the mighty police and firefighters from accessing the flooded area, and from saving its citizens and saving the homes built thereon.
“What can be done?” the residents did wonder, to stop this predictable flooding.
That’s obvious," said the Engineering Wizard. “We can raise the bridge so it doesn’t constrict the water, and/or we can remove the trees, the debris, the garbage and other vegetation that doth clogeth the creek. It’s easy.”
One starry-eyed little boy said: “I can help clear the debris, if my mommy will let me. And my friends can help too.”
“Here here,” said the townsmen. “Why can’t we just deal with this ourselves?”
At this, the legal Presti-Litigator stroked his learned beard and said, “alas, seven (7) federal, State, County and local agencies, have jurisdiction over this creek, and we must petition them for permission to do anything.”
“But” the townsmen protested, “it’s an emergency! Especially this year!”
“Alas,” the
Presti-Litigator did say again, “I investigated this, and, as I did expect, the
definition of emergency by five (5) differing Federal, State, and local
agencies all do differ, and do not agree that an imminent flood is an
emergency. Townsmen, hear me. We will be sued, yea sued, for any independent
action we take.” Then he continued wisely: “Do we wish to wile away time and
money in lawsuits which will empty our meager coffers, dissipate our paltry
power, and send us all to the town Loony Bin?”
“I have the way forward,” the Exalted Town Manager did say, brandishing a scroll. “All we have to do is hire a fulltime employee charged with petitioning for permission from those seven (7) federal, State, County and local agencies who have jurisdiction over this naughty creek, and in 6 years, if each agency does agree to this plan entitled Simple Dredging Process, if the budget holds up, and if the town is still here, we should learn what we can then do to prevent the terrible floods.”
And with that the Exalted Town Manager unfurled the flow chart, entitled “Simple Dredging Process” the County, State, and Federal governments had prepared, so that the townsmen could relax and rejoice in the plan.
That was in the bygone year of 2011. But alas, the simple dredging process was never
executed, and the annual flooding did continue.
Remember the starry-eyed kid who wanted to help clear the Creek? Well he is now
a starry-eyed adult who wants his much loved town to secede from California.
But wait! oh you faithless doubters. Wonderful news. The County proposes to henceforth and forthwith rezone the site on which the fire-station doth stand from ‘agricultural’ to ‘institutional’ and as soon as the blah blah blah signs off, a new fire station will be built outside of the flood zone. By the end of the year of our lord in 2027 (assuming it is completed on time) it will provide clean water to our high school which now, when the annual floods do come, loses access to clean drinking water, and more, and the fire station can operate even during the annual floods!
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