The Naked Cop Bedtime Story

 


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ABOUT MICKIE WINKLER

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  If you ever agonized about what to call a female mailman in this age of political correctness, if you ever engaged in combat with Comcast, if you ever searched on match.com for a compatible kidney, if you ever wonder why circa 24,000 laws are passed each year by the states (no kidding), or why I got a sh*tload of traffic tickets when I was mayor of Menlo Park, stay tuned.   If you ever want to unload your worldly anxieties, then just imagine you are from the planet Zalaria observing the absurd and amusing antics of us Earthlings here on earth . Winkler's stint in politics  inspired her humor--and her conviction that there is no  intelligent life on earth . Enjoy!
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  THE WATERING OF THE DECORATIVE TREE CONSTERNATION I overheard some friends at my house one night saying: "Her tree looks more real than ours."  Why was this innocent remark, even compliment, so upsetting? Why did it keep me awake that night? BACKGROUND About six months ago my husband and I decided we needed an indoor tree--for decorative value and to clean the air.  We went to The Nursery and picked out a leafy, oxygen-exchanging machine, which according to directions, “would thrive in conditions of semi-light with weekly watering,  at which time the tree should be turned.” And we rented a van large enough to bring the tree home unscathed. The tree looked beautiful. As the weeks passed, I did find it to have two unique characteristics. Firstly, after my husband watered the tree, which he did at 9:00 AM every Sunday, I had to take a syringe and suck up the excess water which just seemed to pool in the bottom of the plastic plate on which the tree sat. In my mind, ...
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