Making My PC, pc

 

Making My PC, pc

 

       My reporting is rated not politically correct. I’ve been rejected by literary journals for being offensive and tasteless and for putting their journals at risk. And I’ve had to take these objectionable objections seriously if I wish to succeed.

 My first response was to make my P.C., pc.

 My computer is now programmed to change ‘Merry Christmas’ to ‘Merry Holidays’ and ‘Founding Fathers’ to ‘Founding Founders.’

 ‘Queer’ gets changed to ‘gay.’ How queer is that.

 I now call females who deliver mail malewomen.

 An editor castigated me because I insensitively wrote ‘died’ instead of ‘passed away,’ and then castigated me again for writing ‘Jesus passed away on the cross.’ What to do?

 The racial thing is really hard to deal with. A black person can call a white person ‘whitey.’ But a white person can’t say ‘blacky.’ In fact, most blacks are brown and most whites, as the Indians correctly noted, are cancer-inviting ‘pale faces.’ But this writer will henceforth adopt a colorless palette and go with Afro-American and Caucasian. And whoops, did I say ‘Indians?’ I mean Native Americans (who, by the way, migrated from Asia and are not native at all).

 And to reaffirm my political correctness, let me be clear:

Whether you’re smart or less smart,

whether you prefer dead vegetables to dead animals,

whether you want folks to carry concealed weapons or insist that weapons be visible,

whether you think global warming (I mean climate change), is real or a hoax perpetrated by almost  every scientist in the world.

I just report all the stupid things I hear and see indiscriminately, and, honestly, mean no offense.